Ok, so I just had the most amazing weekend ever! I went skiing with my mom and dad at Wolf Creek, and my dad and I did 20 runs in one day!!! My mom was close with 17… but it was pretty stinkin’ awesome!

Other than feeling yucky, yesterday was actually pretty cool. It was a day of going through yearbooks… and I had this weirdo dream this weekend, which is why I started going through my yearbooks. I dreamt about people from middle school , I haven’t even thought about in years. A long story short, I ended up calling two guys ON THE PHONE last night. One was a guy I “dated” for 2 weeks and 2 days.. he remembered that actually. His name is Danny, and i honestly never thought i would ever talk to him again. He had Jimmy’s phone number (a guy I had the hugest crush on in 8th grade) and I ended up calling him and getting caught up with him too.

I can’t explain the awe I was in after talking with these guys. It’s like talking to someone you knew you’d never talk to again. Most times when I remember people from my past, I am forced to think ” wow I miss them, and I wish I could talk to them, but oh well.” and I have to get over it. Last night, I did something about it. You know, it took probably 3 hours to get information that ultimately led to getting Danny’s phone number. And Jimmy had fallen off the face of the Earth to everyone else I’d talked to. God is awesome! I found out they are both still single… ok, that’s the girl in me.

Who knows why people come into and out of our lives. I know that I actively put myself back in Jimmy and Danny’s lives last night, and I don’t think I would ever undo that. I plan on going to Virginia this summer. It’s been too long anyway. Only God knows.

That’s all for now.. time to get to work.

Real life suddenly seems so boring .

It’s over…

We got back Thursday night at 6:30 pm. Now, let me tell the story…

After that last Xanga entry, the tour REALLY began for me. I went with Janet and Megan to Walmart that was just across the street from the hotel. We ran into Andy, who was on his way out of the store… and asked him to come with us. We had SUCH a fun time!!! The kind of fun that you are supposed to have on tour. Andy found a Spiderman® that said different phrases. Two phrases that struck us as really funny were: “I shoot web” and ” Even super heroes need hugs” We used those phrases more times than I can count for the rest of tour.

Megan and I had a homestay that night with the cutest couple ever! They have been married for 50+ years and had been missionaries on a Navajo reservation for 33 some years. They had so many stories.. and I found it very interesting that when they met, they JUST KNEW the other person was “the one” for them. So awesome.

We ate really well on this tour… usually we are provided with spaghetti or lasagna dinners, most churches did a pot-luck type of thing with huge amounts of desserts and carbs 🙂 It made sticking to my diet non-existent.

We spent almost three days in Albuquerque, including our free day. It was great, it was not  Chicago my sophomore year, but it was still pretty awesome. I got to hang out with Hannah, Ben and Trim, (and Arianna and Chris)… more than half of the Japan mission team that went last summer. We played 6 person Spades ♠ for 3 hours! Dinner was cool though… we ate at some Mexican restaurant, and that was the first time I spoke with Jared. Jared and I ended up hanging out a lot on tour, which was really cool. He’s not a person I thought I would ever get to know. He’s pretty hilarious.

From there we drove to El Paso, where Megan and I stayed with Sarah and her family! It was so cool! We played this video game where you sing and the goal is to stay on beat and pitch.. pretty fun! Sarah’s brother Caleb came home… he was pretty cool too. We talked till 2:30 AM… he’s so extroverted with so much energy.

Our day in Juarez Mexico was AMAZING!! It started out kind of slow. Megan, Andy, Chelsea and I all walked around passing out candy to kids in the neighborhood that surrounded the church. After lunch, I helped teach Go Fish to two girls and their mom, with Matt, Sarah and Pat. The two little girls hung out with Sarah and me for the rest of the day.. It was so cool. The concert that we held that night… could have been a disaster. The wind was harsh, it was cold and dusty… but we had our best performance, despite conditions… that we had all tour.
It was hard to leave those little girls… they were so fun! And left more of an impact on me than I ever could have had on them.:) It was pretty amazing that I was able to remember any of the high school/college Spanish I’d learned. God is good. 🙂

The next few days were pretty laid back. We did a lot of driving and only three more performances. Before I knew it, we were driving home. I have never felt the reality of the end before. Mr. Dorn read through the names of the seniors that would probably not be with the band next year. 8 of us total. Most of us seniors cried for at least an hour! Even Daniel!

As we pulled into Denver, and unloaded the bus for the last time, and as I drove home… the minutes increasing between when band tour had finished and the present time… I took a deep breath and thanked God for bringing me to this place. It is a sad thing for good and happy times to be over… but, a good thing to remember that I got to live those times. How blessed I am.

My theme song for my present state of mind…

It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
But I can feel a change in the wind right now
Nothing’s in my way
And they’re not going to hold me down no more
No they’re not gonna hold me down

Cause I’ve got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I’ve got faith to believe
I can do anything
I’ve got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith
I’ve got faith
Faith of the heart

It’s been a long night
Of trying to find my way
And through the darkness
Now I’ve finally had my way
I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No they’re not gonna change my mind

I know the wind’s so cold
And seem the darkest days
But now the winds I feel
Are oly winds of change
I’ve been through the fire
I’ve been through the rain
But I’ll be fine

I’m going where my heart will take me
I’ve got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith
I’ve got faith
Faith of the heart

It’s been a long road

-Rod Stewart
“Faith Of the Heart”

Here I am! The first day of band tour!! We are currently in Cortez, CO and will be here until tomorrow morning when we leave. We’ve had one concert so far and it was.. well… not so good. It was actually SO BAD that the only positive thing Mr. Dorn could encourage us with, was that we all looked really good in the debut of the tour shirts. (Polos that were designed by MEEEEE. ) Sad huh? But we have an evening concert tonight, so hopefully we will redeem ourselves.

In our defense, most of us only got about 4 hours of sleep. We were supposed to arrive in Cortez around 11:00 pm and we got a flat tire on the truck carrying all the percussion and sound equipment. Which delayed us, causing us to get in at 12:30am. Blah.

But HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Mommie!!! She’s old today… just kidding. She’s 45 years young. Love you Mommie 🙂

Onto more tour!!! I don’t know when the next time I will get to update is, but know.. I will as soon as I can.

It’s crazy… no matter what time of year it happens to be, there is NEVER condensation on the outside of a cold glass in Colorado. It is THAT dry here.

I noticed this and felt the world needed to know.

I bought my cap and gown today. Graduation never seemed more real. It’s weird because I don’t feel old enough to be graduating COLLEGE!

As I was staring down at what my $27.18 had just bought me, I wondered….

Who the CRAP designed these outfits? I mean REALLY! They look weird, you’ll never see someone outside of the ceremony or graduation day wear the gowns. I paid THEM $60,000
and they get to make me frolic around in a huge black robe- I wouldn’t be caught dead in- and a cardboard hat that has this weird elastic stuff that makes a little pouch in the back of your head, so it looks like you have a growth or something. The only redeeming part is the tassel, cause EVER SINGLE TIME you move your head it tickles your ear, which isn’t fun… but keeps you awake during the 4 hour long ceremony.

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to sitting in the seats that have been sat upon for at least the last four years… I’m sure the butt-indentations of those who have gone before me will make me feel… really uncomfortable. Cause, to think about that… is kinda disgusting.

In 2 months and 3 days, I will become a CCU graduate of 2005. WOW, that’s soon. And I will sit there, black robe, cardboard hat, and tassel… proud of what I have accomplished, and entertained by the tassel tickling my ear.

Alas, I am afraid I have procrastinated again.

I must apologize for my late update, as usual it’s been a hectic week and eventful weekend.. Allow me to explain:

The JET interview went WELL! I was so nervous parking downtown and walking to the Adam’s Mark hotel… so many business people EVERYWHERE. I’ve never seen downtown Denver at 8:30 AM. I arrived almost an hour early for my interview… but as my dad and mom said, better an hour early than one minute late. I had 3 Japanese people interview me, an older gentleman, and a younger woman and younger man. They were really nice and we laughed throughout my interview. Overall, I walked out of the room with a sense of peace, and I am anxiously awaiting the first week of April, when I will find out which path God has set before me.

The rest of the week finished in a blur and I don’t exactly remember everything. I do remember being really busy and performing the song I wrote on piano with Daniel, who dressed as a woman Viking and sang about Helga the Viking. It was hilarious, and it was the most fun I had in a long time!

Unfortunately, I woke up Friday morning with a stuffy nose. I had hoped it was only allergies, but it was in fact another cold. I had just gotten over the last cold not FOUR DAYS BEFORE! That just doesn’t happen! Getting sick like that So soon after. I went home so that I could focus on my 8 page paper on Civil Religion, which in case anyone wants to know, I will probably be the most knowledgeable on this subject until Wednesday, when it will fade into oblivion with the rest of the useless junk I am been fed and then forced to regurgitate. I finished my paper, 8 pages exactly. And I’m still sick. I also finished the two programs for these next two weeks, one for band tour and one for the jazz concert Friday. I hate programs.

But the day, oh the Monday… was not without a ray of sunshine. The pure fact that I turned in that paper and am done with that class after Wednesday makes me SO HAPPY!
I also finished all of the music programs until after tour, which also makes me very happy.
And last but not least, when I go to bed tonight… I get to sleep in. It’ll be great.

Ok, I am now going to bed.

It was the best of times… it was the worst of times. It was… last week.

I updated a few times last week, but even though I did… a sudden mood of reflection inspires me to write more. ( Ahhh… such is the perfectionist’s life… never feeling done or that something was never done thoroughly enough.)

I have felt in the past two months a plateau of “blah” that I could not find a way out of. I did my best to keep a smiling face, but really… with the reality of life passing me by, good and bad, I wasn’t able to to change the daunting feeling of being thrashed around by the constant ups and downs. Never before had I been in such a vast, empty and dry desert, consumed by an overwhelming ocean. Nonetheless, I finally had a week that was able to redeem my spirit to the joy I once knew, and now, fortunately… know again.

The thing that was restored for me this weekend, was the realization of how much joy spending time with people gives me. Perhaps it is that this has been one of the hardest years EVER. Dealing with classes that take over every ounce of my time and energy and the fact that life is getting ready to change again before I’m even able to evaluate what it is thought I learned. I think the confusion and frustration comes when what you learned seems contradictory to what you had hoped to gain from the entire experience. The only light at the end of this tunnel, and what I learned form this past week, is that I learned exactly what I needed to learn. People are the most important things, and building relationships is the part of life that is worth everything. When I lost sight of this and when I didn’t add anything to the relationships I have… I felt the loss in my life.

While I admit, (especially after reading what I just wrote) this sounds incredibly selfish and self-seeking… I assure you, it probably is. I knew there was something wrong in my life, and I figured out what it was.

My pastor played a movie clip in church today from City Slickers. ( I think #1) And Curly is talking about the secret of life is one thing, and only each person knows what it is. God is my number one thing, and I know that 100%, however, I think that I might have two things. People being my #2.

Even in the midst of being sick last week, and the crappy factor that had for my outlook on the week as a whole, it was still a good week.

The outlook for this week is only a little dismal, because I am only beginning to realize everything I need to do before Friday. But I am well again, I’m going skiing this weekend at, YES…. WOLF CREEK!!!!! Lot’s to look forward too, lots to do…

The JET interview is Wednesday at 9 AM. PLEASE pray for me!!!!

AS for the rest of it… It’s a beautiful day.

I got a very special gift. No, not roses, candy, cards, or kisses. Surprisingly, on  Valentine’s Day yesterday, the best thing I got didn’t have a single thing to do with the holiday. (Which, on my worst day… I still maintain was created by candy and card companies for the purpose of boosting sales and reminding single people everywhere… they are still single.)

I was driving through campus, and suddenly I remembered that feeling I got the first year I was in school. It was a sense of awe that I had finally made it to college and how wonderful CCU was. Not only did I remember this feeling, but I felt it! For a fleeting moment I was transported back… I was a different person then, and I have noticed lately that I long for those days when I as filled with energy, just by knowing I was at a great school. Perhaps it has been that I have jaded myself, or perhaps I have been at CCU so long, that I forget what it is that makes CCU so special. In any case, I was glad for this feeling… even if it only lasted a moment. Remembering that has given me new energy that I haven’t had in a while!

And just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better! I went to an Anti- Valentine’s day party at Aaron’s. Oh my GOSH! It was SO FUN!! I mostly played cards all night, but the best part about it… was that I played the MOST amazing game of poker EVER! Yeah, the guys are scared to play with me now…even though I assured them it was one night of luck only, Mike was convinced we needed to leave for Vegas right after we finished the game . I ended up losing in the last hand… but still… so much fun!

Please read the entry under this one…

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in your bed – Me, Myself and I
2. Saw you cry – Doug, Don and Megan… all at the same time.
3. Made you cry – Dr. Schantz… stupid theory 4
4. Spent the night with – “Last person who spent the night with?” What kind of a sentence is this?! I won’t even justify it with an answer.
5. Went to the movies with – Amanda Moss… Bridget Jones’ Diary 2. ( Yeah back in December)
6. Went to the mall with – Honestly? Jeremy Watson, last YEAR. We went to get a present for his sister. That was a long time ago.
7. You kissed – my cat (not a person.. but, there you go.)

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Gotten into a fist fight – nope
2. Been to New York – Every time I watch ‘Sleepless in Seattle”
3. California – “Have I ever California?” again.. stupid question! but since I know what it means… yes I went there for Spring Break last year and I LOVE it!
4. Florida – most of my extended family lives there… so yes.
5. Hawaii -not yet, but… my dad says it’s my husband’s job to take me.
6. Mexico – YES! All over it, and to Cozumel. AMAZING
7. China – no, but I think Japan should be on here. I’ve been there. and Germany too.
8. Canada -Yes, Toronto for 10 days
9. Wished you were the opposite sex – only once a month
10. Had an imaginary friend – I don’t remember. If I did, you’ll have to ask my mom.
RANDOM:
1. Red or blue – mixed please…
2. Spring or fall – again.. both
3. Are you bored -oh no.. I’m having a blast filling out this survey.
4. Last noise you heard -the music to the final credits of A Few Good Men
5. Last time you went out of state – I drove to Texas for New Year’s
6. Do you have a crush on someone? no, and I’ll tell you.. it’s AWESOME
7. What book are you reading now? Men are from Moab, Women are from Israel
8. What is the first thing you think when you wake up? What time is it?
9. How many rings before you answer? It depends on how far away the phone is… and whether or not I am “indisposed”
10. Future daughter’s name – nope.. not telling.
11. Future son’s name – see above
12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Gus, my big bear… every once in a while.
13. If you could have any job, what would it be? A person who tests mattresses
14. Are you lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? righty, the only way to go
15. What’s under your bed? i have drawers under my bed, so there is a lot of stuff.
16. Favorite sport to watch – FOOTBALL!
17. Current age – 21
18. Siblings – Rana
19. Location – Lakewood, CO
20. College plans – Planning to be done in 3 months!
21. Piercings – 5 holes in my ears
22. Boyfriend/girlfriend- not currently. I am however, accepting applications.
EXTRAS:
1. Do you do drugs? nope
2. What kind of shampoo do you use? Fructis
3. What are you most scared of? people throwing up
4. What clothes do you sleep in? pajamas
5. Last person who called you – Megan, cause my phone died mid conversation
6. Where do you want to get married? eh… I don’t know
7. What type of automobile do you drive? 96 Suzuki Swift
8. Do you like being around people? ABSOLUTELY
9. Best feeling in the world – finishing a day knowing I did the best I could
10. Are you a health freak – I like to be healthy.. yes that is good
LOVE STUFF:
1. Have you ever loved someone you didn’t have a chance with? I would say I liked someone.. not loved someone I didn’t have a chance with.
2. Do you have a “type”? no, not really.
3. Interested in someone you aren’t with? not right now, otherwise I would have a crush (see above)
4. Ever afraid you won’t get married? naw.. not gonna worry about that till I’m 30

FAVORITE:
1. Room in house – my bedroom
2. Type of music – alternative, rocky type stuff
3. Band – Switchfoot
4.Memory – I’ve got so many…
5. Day of the week – Thursday
6. Color – purple
7. Cologne or perfume- Moonlight Path
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU:
1. Cried – Nope
2. Bought something – nope
3. Gotten sick – Not thrown up.. but am getting sick.. blah.
4. Sung – worship practice at church last night
5. Said “I love you” – to my dad
6. Met someone new – yes. Zack, a preview student.
7. Talked to someone – yes.. are you serious? When am I NOT talking to someone?
8. Hugged someone – yep
9. Kissed someone – nope…
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Smoked pot – NO
2. Kissed someone of the opposite sex – yes.
3. Kissed someone of the same sex – my mom and sis… a while ago.
4. Crashed a friend’s car – NO! Who made up this survey?!
5. Ridden in a taxi – mostly in other countries like Mexico.
6. Been dumped – like yesterdays garbage…
7. Shoplifted – no
8. Been fired -no
9. Snuck out of parent’s house – no
10. Been arrested – no
11. Peed on yourself – SERIOUSLY… WHO IS MAKING THIS STUFF UP?
12. Gone on a blind date – yes
13. Been to Europe – yes
14. Skipped school -no…
15. Been married – no
16. Had children – no

My cat, Precious, is very lucky.

I remember thinking back when I was 10 ( I’ve had Precious for almost 12 years! Crazy huh?) that cats are SO LUCKY cause they don’t have to do anything crappy in life.

They never procrastinate doing homework, so they have to stress out about it the next day.

They never get the flu or a cold… at least not like we do.

They never have to feel the ache of a broken heart.

They never have to wake up to an alarm clock.

They never have to fill out applications and go to job interviews.

They never have to do music theory 4 homework.

They never run out of toilet paper.

___

I woke up this morning to my cat sleeping by my side, and I looked at her and wondered how it would be to live the life of simplicity.

I do concede that in order to live so simply, and without all the crap in life, is also to live a dull and boring existence. To not feel the hurt and pain and suffering, is also not to feel the love, joy and excitement that life is.

My cat, Precious, is lucky because she is spared the rotten parts. But I am blessed because I am not.

Anyway, I just want to talk a little about my Saturday of this weekend. First I went to a Colorado Crush game ( Arena football… which is totally not like NFL or anything like that.. but still TOTALLY fun!) I went with Scott and Kevin, who are only beginning to redeem their lack of communication over the past 6 months. After that Megan and I went to a concert at a coffee house type of thing in Evergreen. ‘About John’, is the name of the band that played. TOTALLY rocked my face off. It was a great concert, and then a group of us went to Jose’ O’ Sheas ( I think that’s how it’s spelled.) It was just a great night. A great day even.

Today has been kind of blah. For those of you who read up on my life, you know I’m constantly in a state of cleaning. So that is what I did today. I’m also doing homework while watching the Superbowl… which… for the record, I am for the Eagles this game. I’ve been disappointed with the commercials thus far this year. Hopefully they will redeem themselves.

Anyway. I’m, going to go finish homework. Fun times. Watch me contain my excitement.

Life is a cookie.

Before you think I’m totally insane and discredit everything here-after, know this… I think my reasons are legit for making such an insane statement.

First, there are all different kinds of cookies, and no two cookies… even if from the same batch, are exactly the same.

Second, sometimes you crave cookies the way you suddenly get a craving for life, and in the same way.. if you eat too many cookies, you really don’t want some for a while.

But third, and most important… is that while you are eating a cookie, it is good! Sometimes you can eat it too quickly an not savor each and every moment; and that sometimes you don’t ever miss a cookie until it’s gone.

This third reason is the main point I am trying to make.

I’m sitting here eating ice cream… ( yes I’m eating ice cream, and no I’m not cheating)
in a mug I got while in San Francisco. ( Just to clarify, the ice cream is in the mug, I am not) and I’m remembering my Spring Break trip to the great city last year. Gosh what good times! All over and done. All that are left are the memories, crumbs, that remind me of what it was I had, and no longer have anymore. Granted, I still hold onto the memories, and good memories they are… But what do I have to hold on to? Memories? Pictures? Journal entries? These are like re-heated leftovers… a representation of what the real thing was like, but nowhere near the experience of the fresh meal.

Megan and I were driving down the street in front of CCU and I saw the freshman dorms. I’ve seen them many times, heck! I DID live there! But i remembered almost four years ago, and how different the world seemed to me then. I remembered the 3.5 years that have passed, and though challenging and probably some of the hardest times I will ever experience ( other than child birth, which I’m sure will take the cake).. gosh, they were good times!

I don’t want people to think that I am a sentimental freak that is going to have issues letting go of my college days that will ultimately drive me into counseling. No… I know that these days will soon be over and gone. And while it may seem premature, I am mourning this last large hurdle into my adult life. I am excited for my future, and can’t wait to see how the next few years will turn out! But, the part of me that mourns the loss of the present time I am experiencing, and the part that is excited to be done with all the crap involved with school so I can get into the real world… are at war with each other inside of me.

Nonetheless, life is a cookie. Because even though I am almost done with this cookie… I know that there are more cookies. The world will never be without cookies…