It was the best of times… it was the worst of times. It was… last week.

I updated a few times last week, but even though I did… a sudden mood of reflection inspires me to write more. ( Ahhh… such is the perfectionist’s life… never feeling done or that something was never done thoroughly enough.)

I have felt in the past two months a plateau of “blah” that I could not find a way out of. I did my best to keep a smiling face, but really… with the reality of life passing me by, good and bad, I wasn’t able to to change the daunting feeling of being thrashed around by the constant ups and downs. Never before had I been in such a vast, empty and dry desert, consumed by an overwhelming ocean. Nonetheless, I finally had a week that was able to redeem my spirit to the joy I once knew, and now, fortunately… know again.

The thing that was restored for me this weekend, was the realization of how much joy spending time with people gives me. Perhaps it is that this has been one of the hardest years EVER. Dealing with classes that take over every ounce of my time and energy and the fact that life is getting ready to change again before I’m even able to evaluate what it is thought I learned. I think the confusion and frustration comes when what you learned seems contradictory to what you had hoped to gain from the entire experience. The only light at the end of this tunnel, and what I learned form this past week, is that I learned exactly what I needed to learn. People are the most important things, and building relationships is the part of life that is worth everything. When I lost sight of this and when I didn’t add anything to the relationships I have… I felt the loss in my life.

While I admit, (especially after reading what I just wrote) this sounds incredibly selfish and self-seeking… I assure you, it probably is. I knew there was something wrong in my life, and I figured out what it was.

My pastor played a movie clip in church today from City Slickers. ( I think #1) And Curly is talking about the secret of life is one thing, and only each person knows what it is. God is my number one thing, and I know that 100%, however, I think that I might have two things. People being my #2.

Even in the midst of being sick last week, and the crappy factor that had for my outlook on the week as a whole, it was still a good week.

The outlook for this week is only a little dismal, because I am only beginning to realize everything I need to do before Friday. But I am well again, I’m going skiing this weekend at, YES…. WOLF CREEK!!!!! Lot’s to look forward too, lots to do…

The JET interview is Wednesday at 9 AM. PLEASE pray for me!!!!

AS for the rest of it… It’s a beautiful day.

I got a very special gift. No, not roses, candy, cards, or kisses. Surprisingly, on  Valentine’s Day yesterday, the best thing I got didn’t have a single thing to do with the holiday. (Which, on my worst day… I still maintain was created by candy and card companies for the purpose of boosting sales and reminding single people everywhere… they are still single.)

I was driving through campus, and suddenly I remembered that feeling I got the first year I was in school. It was a sense of awe that I had finally made it to college and how wonderful CCU was. Not only did I remember this feeling, but I felt it! For a fleeting moment I was transported back… I was a different person then, and I have noticed lately that I long for those days when I as filled with energy, just by knowing I was at a great school. Perhaps it has been that I have jaded myself, or perhaps I have been at CCU so long, that I forget what it is that makes CCU so special. In any case, I was glad for this feeling… even if it only lasted a moment. Remembering that has given me new energy that I haven’t had in a while!

And just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better! I went to an Anti- Valentine’s day party at Aaron’s. Oh my GOSH! It was SO FUN!! I mostly played cards all night, but the best part about it… was that I played the MOST amazing game of poker EVER! Yeah, the guys are scared to play with me now…even though I assured them it was one night of luck only, Mike was convinced we needed to leave for Vegas right after we finished the game . I ended up losing in the last hand… but still… so much fun!

Please read the entry under this one…

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in your bed – Me, Myself and I
2. Saw you cry – Doug, Don and Megan… all at the same time.
3. Made you cry – Dr. Schantz… stupid theory 4
4. Spent the night with – “Last person who spent the night with?” What kind of a sentence is this?! I won’t even justify it with an answer.
5. Went to the movies with – Amanda Moss… Bridget Jones’ Diary 2. ( Yeah back in December)
6. Went to the mall with – Honestly? Jeremy Watson, last YEAR. We went to get a present for his sister. That was a long time ago.
7. You kissed – my cat (not a person.. but, there you go.)

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Gotten into a fist fight – nope
2. Been to New York – Every time I watch ‘Sleepless in Seattle”
3. California – “Have I ever California?” again.. stupid question! but since I know what it means… yes I went there for Spring Break last year and I LOVE it!
4. Florida – most of my extended family lives there… so yes.
5. Hawaii -not yet, but… my dad says it’s my husband’s job to take me.
6. Mexico – YES! All over it, and to Cozumel. AMAZING
7. China – no, but I think Japan should be on here. I’ve been there. and Germany too.
8. Canada -Yes, Toronto for 10 days
9. Wished you were the opposite sex – only once a month
10. Had an imaginary friend – I don’t remember. If I did, you’ll have to ask my mom.
RANDOM:
1. Red or blue – mixed please…
2. Spring or fall – again.. both
3. Are you bored -oh no.. I’m having a blast filling out this survey.
4. Last noise you heard -the music to the final credits of A Few Good Men
5. Last time you went out of state – I drove to Texas for New Year’s
6. Do you have a crush on someone? no, and I’ll tell you.. it’s AWESOME
7. What book are you reading now? Men are from Moab, Women are from Israel
8. What is the first thing you think when you wake up? What time is it?
9. How many rings before you answer? It depends on how far away the phone is… and whether or not I am “indisposed”
10. Future daughter’s name – nope.. not telling.
11. Future son’s name – see above
12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Gus, my big bear… every once in a while.
13. If you could have any job, what would it be? A person who tests mattresses
14. Are you lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? righty, the only way to go
15. What’s under your bed? i have drawers under my bed, so there is a lot of stuff.
16. Favorite sport to watch – FOOTBALL!
17. Current age – 21
18. Siblings – Rana
19. Location – Lakewood, CO
20. College plans – Planning to be done in 3 months!
21. Piercings – 5 holes in my ears
22. Boyfriend/girlfriend- not currently. I am however, accepting applications.
EXTRAS:
1. Do you do drugs? nope
2. What kind of shampoo do you use? Fructis
3. What are you most scared of? people throwing up
4. What clothes do you sleep in? pajamas
5. Last person who called you – Megan, cause my phone died mid conversation
6. Where do you want to get married? eh… I don’t know
7. What type of automobile do you drive? 96 Suzuki Swift
8. Do you like being around people? ABSOLUTELY
9. Best feeling in the world – finishing a day knowing I did the best I could
10. Are you a health freak – I like to be healthy.. yes that is good
LOVE STUFF:
1. Have you ever loved someone you didn’t have a chance with? I would say I liked someone.. not loved someone I didn’t have a chance with.
2. Do you have a “type”? no, not really.
3. Interested in someone you aren’t with? not right now, otherwise I would have a crush (see above)
4. Ever afraid you won’t get married? naw.. not gonna worry about that till I’m 30

FAVORITE:
1. Room in house – my bedroom
2. Type of music – alternative, rocky type stuff
3. Band – Switchfoot
4.Memory – I’ve got so many…
5. Day of the week – Thursday
6. Color – purple
7. Cologne or perfume- Moonlight Path
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU:
1. Cried – Nope
2. Bought something – nope
3. Gotten sick – Not thrown up.. but am getting sick.. blah.
4. Sung – worship practice at church last night
5. Said “I love you” – to my dad
6. Met someone new – yes. Zack, a preview student.
7. Talked to someone – yes.. are you serious? When am I NOT talking to someone?
8. Hugged someone – yep
9. Kissed someone – nope…
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Smoked pot – NO
2. Kissed someone of the opposite sex – yes.
3. Kissed someone of the same sex – my mom and sis… a while ago.
4. Crashed a friend’s car – NO! Who made up this survey?!
5. Ridden in a taxi – mostly in other countries like Mexico.
6. Been dumped – like yesterdays garbage…
7. Shoplifted – no
8. Been fired -no
9. Snuck out of parent’s house – no
10. Been arrested – no
11. Peed on yourself – SERIOUSLY… WHO IS MAKING THIS STUFF UP?
12. Gone on a blind date – yes
13. Been to Europe – yes
14. Skipped school -no…
15. Been married – no
16. Had children – no

My cat, Precious, is very lucky.

I remember thinking back when I was 10 ( I’ve had Precious for almost 12 years! Crazy huh?) that cats are SO LUCKY cause they don’t have to do anything crappy in life.

They never procrastinate doing homework, so they have to stress out about it the next day.

They never get the flu or a cold… at least not like we do.

They never have to feel the ache of a broken heart.

They never have to wake up to an alarm clock.

They never have to fill out applications and go to job interviews.

They never have to do music theory 4 homework.

They never run out of toilet paper.

___

I woke up this morning to my cat sleeping by my side, and I looked at her and wondered how it would be to live the life of simplicity.

I do concede that in order to live so simply, and without all the crap in life, is also to live a dull and boring existence. To not feel the hurt and pain and suffering, is also not to feel the love, joy and excitement that life is.

My cat, Precious, is lucky because she is spared the rotten parts. But I am blessed because I am not.

Anyway, I just want to talk a little about my Saturday of this weekend. First I went to a Colorado Crush game ( Arena football… which is totally not like NFL or anything like that.. but still TOTALLY fun!) I went with Scott and Kevin, who are only beginning to redeem their lack of communication over the past 6 months. After that Megan and I went to a concert at a coffee house type of thing in Evergreen. ‘About John’, is the name of the band that played. TOTALLY rocked my face off. It was a great concert, and then a group of us went to Jose’ O’ Sheas ( I think that’s how it’s spelled.) It was just a great night. A great day even.

Today has been kind of blah. For those of you who read up on my life, you know I’m constantly in a state of cleaning. So that is what I did today. I’m also doing homework while watching the Superbowl… which… for the record, I am for the Eagles this game. I’ve been disappointed with the commercials thus far this year. Hopefully they will redeem themselves.

Anyway. I’m, going to go finish homework. Fun times. Watch me contain my excitement.

Life is a cookie.

Before you think I’m totally insane and discredit everything here-after, know this… I think my reasons are legit for making such an insane statement.

First, there are all different kinds of cookies, and no two cookies… even if from the same batch, are exactly the same.

Second, sometimes you crave cookies the way you suddenly get a craving for life, and in the same way.. if you eat too many cookies, you really don’t want some for a while.

But third, and most important… is that while you are eating a cookie, it is good! Sometimes you can eat it too quickly an not savor each and every moment; and that sometimes you don’t ever miss a cookie until it’s gone.

This third reason is the main point I am trying to make.

I’m sitting here eating ice cream… ( yes I’m eating ice cream, and no I’m not cheating)
in a mug I got while in San Francisco. ( Just to clarify, the ice cream is in the mug, I am not) and I’m remembering my Spring Break trip to the great city last year. Gosh what good times! All over and done. All that are left are the memories, crumbs, that remind me of what it was I had, and no longer have anymore. Granted, I still hold onto the memories, and good memories they are… But what do I have to hold on to? Memories? Pictures? Journal entries? These are like re-heated leftovers… a representation of what the real thing was like, but nowhere near the experience of the fresh meal.

Megan and I were driving down the street in front of CCU and I saw the freshman dorms. I’ve seen them many times, heck! I DID live there! But i remembered almost four years ago, and how different the world seemed to me then. I remembered the 3.5 years that have passed, and though challenging and probably some of the hardest times I will ever experience ( other than child birth, which I’m sure will take the cake).. gosh, they were good times!

I don’t want people to think that I am a sentimental freak that is going to have issues letting go of my college days that will ultimately drive me into counseling. No… I know that these days will soon be over and gone. And while it may seem premature, I am mourning this last large hurdle into my adult life. I am excited for my future, and can’t wait to see how the next few years will turn out! But, the part of me that mourns the loss of the present time I am experiencing, and the part that is excited to be done with all the crap involved with school so I can get into the real world… are at war with each other inside of me.

Nonetheless, life is a cookie. Because even though I am almost done with this cookie… I know that there are more cookies. The world will never be without cookies…