Facebook Friends

So, just in case you and I haven’t talked in a while… there is something you need to know about me: however we left our friendship when life took its inevitable twists and turns , however we parted ways, I somehow STILL feel as connected to you- as if no time has passed. (Which might sound creepy, but I mean it sincerely. 🙂 )

I don’t know, maybe it’s the military kid in me… having to move all those times. I never really “out grew” friends, because the next move usually coincided with a natural life transition. End of elementary school, end of middle school, high school and then college graduations…. we all moved on with our lives and met new people. We’ve all changed in one way or another, and proximity (especially all of those long distances) takes its toll… unless a lot of effort is made. ( I am so guilty of not being as active in keeping up with friendships that I hold very dear.)

But in my mind (and my heart) I remember, quite vividly, what our friendship used to look like. And it still feels as real to me now as it did back then.

For the record, I was this way BEFORE Facebook made this “false sense of friendship” even EASIER. I DO realize that an important component of friendship is some kind of active involvement.

But I open my middle school photo albums, and I’m right back there. Braces and glasses and bad, self-inflicted bang trims and talking about boys and Bible quiz meets. The awkwardness, the drama… my friends at school and church. The high school pictures of marching band put that annoying Texas pride right back in my spirit… as well as jog my memory of the hot, sticky, sweat in those awful marching band uniforms. How CCU band tour memories were some of the best moments of my life! And not just performing on stage (although amazing), but the late nights of playing Mafia, the awesome bus rides, exploring Chicago, Juarez, Albuquerque, and all of the home-stays. And the memories go on and on… (Japan, TBarM Camp, Germany)

But I don’t always let you know, Dear Facebook Friend, how excited I get when you or your family is going through something awesome!  I’m also not so great at expressing how I’m mourning right along with you, when something awful or sad happens. Sometimes, I feel things so deeply, I’m afraid it would probably come off as awkward. Especially since it may have been a DECADE since we last spoke.

But now I want to get specific. Because this post was triggered by something that happened yesterday, but that I found out about today. One of my dearest middle school friends, whom I have not had much contact with in a very long time, lost her sweet 3 year old son yesterday. From what I’ve gathered (via facebook) it was completely sudden and unexpected. He went to sleep for his afternoon nap, and just… never woke up.

I am sincerely not trying to make her loss about me. My heart is breaking for my friend. The grief I feel and the tears I’ve shed are real. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and cry with her. Even though I know almost nothing about her current life, how she’s changed, etc etc… I keep picturing this 11 year old girl that I knew and cared about… because we were good friends, once, a long time ago. I’m mourning that girl too, not just her loss. Because (I imagine) something like this changes you forever.

So, Dear Facebook Friend… now you know. I still cherish our memories. (Yes, even the ones from 25 years ago!) Transitions happen. Friends come and go… because we all change, grow up, and move on. And I know that it is completely healthy and natural, BUT it doesn’t mean I care any less about your life.

Schrodinger’s… Baby

Ok, so the whole “Schrodinger’s Cat” example (in a very short explanation) supposes there is a cat inside a box. It is either alive or dead. You don’t know which until you open the box… and, until that happens, the cat is both alive AND dead at the same time because there is the possibility that each outcome is true. (I’m sure there is a much better explanation out there on Google… but it’s 10:36 pm.)

I hit 19 weeks tomorrow. Wow. It’s gone a lot faster this time around. ( The distraction of running after, feeding, and changing a 16 month old… figuring out her constantly changing sleep/nap schedule…. all while trying not to throw-up, will do that…. I guess.)

Big news this week, is that I’ve DEFINITELY been feeling the little person move and kick! Which is actually more reassuring to me (as a healthy pregnancy sign) than the doctors say my all-day morning sickness is.

Anyway, back to the cat…

As I get closer and closer to my gender ultrasound, I am getting more and more excited as I imagine this little person who is getting ready to join our family.

To complete our family.

And I can imagine it in two different ways. One is a very familiar, very comfortable dynamic. Three ladies with one man of the house. I grew up with that. I KNOW that. And I get very excited hoping for something resembling what I cherish in my own memories of my childhood. The other is VERY alien to me… but just as exciting. It would be an adventure exploring uncharted territory. And Dear Husband would get some added testosterone. Based on the questions and suppositions of strangers who are hoping we “get one of each”, perhaps it WILL be the best of both worlds.

Both of these realities are possible. And so, for the next 18 days, until we open that box… I have both. I have a little girl and a little boy.