In exactly 5 minutes, I’ll be 32 years old.

WOW.

Exactly 2 years ago, I celebrated my 30th birthday. I was 35 weeks pregnant with my 1st child… and had no idea the kind of adventure I was about to embark on.

Now, two years later, I have a 23 month old and a 2 month old! My heart bursts with more love than I thought was possible. I have been (and continue to be) more exhausted, more delighted, and have unintentionally touched more vomit, poop, and pee than I ever could have imagined.

I have been grateful for it all.

Here’s to another year of life and what it may bring!

#ilovemyfamily #lessvomitwouldbeok #timecouldslowdownalittle

I know the name of my blog is ‘Delighting in Each Moment’.

And here’s the truth, sometimes that’s REALLY hard to do.

Like… nearly impossible.

Like when you find out a friend from college died yesterday, due to injuries sustained in a car accident.

A person who couldn’t make an enemy, even if he tried. (Not that he would.)

And if you read my last post, it doesn’t even matter that I hadn’t spoken to him in the last 9 years. (But gosh… I WISH it hadn’t been so long.)

This guy was gifted. He could sing, act, play the piano and trombone… and he did it all VERY well! He was HILARIOUS. We went to movies and watched CSI together, we’d talk and walk… and do awful impersonations… and laugh!

His laugh sounded EXACTLY like Crispin Glover as George McFly in the first Back to the Future movie. (I will always think of him when I hear that laugh. Always.)

He told stories of deer that could kill you with their hooves, and then ACT IT OUT! (Just thinking about that dinner conversation and how hard we all laughed… makes my lips smile and my eyes tear up simultaneously.)

He was part of a group of us who desperately wanted to see the movie ‘Chicago’, while our Wind Ensemble was in Chicago for the 2003 Band Tour. And we did. And it was AWESOME. 🙂

As each memory resurfaces, another one gets triggered. Some are big, and some are simple. But each one is woven into my college experience. I’m grieving today, with so many people who loved Matt too. He was and IS loved.

I miss him.

I am sad that a chance to reconnect isn’t possible, this side of Heaven.

But the peace and hope I have from knowing that I WILL see him again… is wonderful.

And THAT, is how I am delighting in THIS moment.

So, just in case you and I haven’t talked in a while… there is something you need to know about me: however we left our friendship when life took its inevitable twists and turns , however we parted ways, I somehow STILL feel as connected to you- as if no time has passed. (Which might sound creepy, but I mean it sincerely. 🙂 )

I don’t know, maybe it’s the military kid in me… having to move all those times. I never really “out grew” friends, because the next move usually coincided with a natural life transition. End of elementary school, end of middle school, high school and then college graduations…. we all moved on with our lives and met new people. We’ve all changed in one way or another, and proximity (especially all of those long distances) takes its toll… unless a lot of effort is made. ( I am so guilty of not being as active in keeping up with friendships that I hold very dear.)

But in my mind (and my heart) I remember, quite vividly, what our friendship used to look like. And it still feels as real to me now as it did back then.

For the record, I was this way BEFORE Facebook made this “false sense of friendship” even EASIER. I DO realize that an important component of friendship is some kind of active involvement.

But I open my middle school photo albums, and I’m right back there. Braces and glasses and bad, self-inflicted bang trims and talking about boys and Bible quiz meets. The awkwardness, the drama… my friends at school and church. The high school pictures of marching band put that annoying Texas pride right back in my spirit… as well as jog my memory of the hot, sticky, sweat in those awful marching band uniforms. How CCU band tour memories were some of the best moments of my life! And not just performing on stage (although amazing), but the late nights of playing Mafia, the awesome bus rides, exploring Chicago, Juarez, Albuquerque, and all of the home-stays. And the memories go on and on… (Japan, TBarM Camp, Germany)

But I don’t always let you know, Dear Facebook Friend, how excited I get when you or your family is going through something awesome!  I’m also not so great at expressing how I’m mourning right along with you, when something awful or sad happens. Sometimes, I feel things so deeply, I’m afraid it would probably come off as awkward. Especially since it may have been a DECADE since we last spoke.

But now I want to get specific. Because this post was triggered by something that happened yesterday, but that I found out about today. One of my dearest middle school friends, whom I have not had much contact with in a very long time, lost her sweet 3 year old son yesterday. From what I’ve gathered (via facebook) it was completely sudden and unexpected. He went to sleep for his afternoon nap, and just… never woke up.

I am sincerely not trying to make her loss about me. My heart is breaking for my friend. The grief I feel and the tears I’ve shed are real. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and cry with her. Even though I know almost nothing about her current life, how she’s changed, etc etc… I keep picturing this 11 year old girl that I knew and cared about… because we were good friends, once, a long time ago. I’m mourning that girl too, not just her loss. Because (I imagine) something like this changes you forever.

So, Dear Facebook Friend… now you know. I still cherish our memories. (Yes, even the ones from 25 years ago!) Transitions happen. Friends come and go… because we all change, grow up, and move on. And I know that it is completely healthy and natural, BUT it doesn’t mean I care any less about your life.

Ok, so the whole “Schrodinger’s Cat” example (in a very short explanation) supposes there is a cat inside a box. It is either alive or dead. You don’t know which until you open the box… and, until that happens, the cat is both alive AND dead at the same time because there is the possibility that each outcome is true. (I’m sure there is a much better explanation out there on Google… but it’s 10:36 pm.)

I hit 19 weeks tomorrow. Wow. It’s gone a lot faster this time around. ( The distraction of running after, feeding, and changing a 16 month old… figuring out her constantly changing sleep/nap schedule…. all while trying not to throw-up, will do that…. I guess.)

Big news this week, is that I’ve DEFINITELY been feeling the little person move and kick! Which is actually more reassuring to me (as a healthy pregnancy sign) than the doctors say my all-day morning sickness is.

Anyway, back to the cat…

As I get closer and closer to my gender ultrasound, I am getting more and more excited as I imagine this little person who is getting ready to join our family.

To complete our family.

And I can imagine it in two different ways. One is a very familiar, very comfortable dynamic. Three ladies with one man of the house. I grew up with that. I KNOW that. And I get very excited hoping for something resembling what I cherish in my own memories of my childhood. The other is VERY alien to me… but just as exciting. It would be an adventure exploring uncharted territory. And Dear Husband would get some added testosterone. Based on the questions and suppositions of strangers who are hoping we “get one of each”, perhaps it WILL be the best of both worlds.

Both of these realities are possible. And so, for the next 18 days, until we open that box… I have both. I have a little girl and a little boy.

Yeah, I know I said I’d get better about blogging.

(By the way, this is (almost) exactly how I start almost EVERY hand-written journal entry.)

But the truth is, life has been happening. 🙂 Just in the past two months there have been memories made, growth, joy, and tears.

And there is a growing guilt. I’m wanting to document it all, so I can remember it for always. But the more I get behind, taking pictures, printing pictures, scrapbooking, journaling….etc etc, the more overwhelmed I feel. It’s the “type A” in me. It is very hard for me to start a movie and not finish it, or jump into the middle of a tv series without watching the preceding episodes first.

So let me start by writing about a few things I’d put off writing about:

*Kotooshu (co-toh-oh-shoo), one of my favorite sumo wrestlers, suddenly retired in the middle of the May tournament. It came as a much bigger blow that I thought it would. It’s been 10 years since my first visit to Japan, when I “met” this Bulgarian on the Trim’s t.v. set. And I think his retirement is just a reminder that I am growing older and getting farther away from my time in Japan. Which is sad. I mourned sumo’s loss…. and sumo changing…. and injuries…. And my love for Japan increased. (Man, I can’t wait to complete THAT scrapbook! Which is somewhere in a storage box downstairs.)

*I had my first “roadside experience”, after my radiator hose burst – leaving a 3 inch hole. By the grace of God, I was able to pull into a safe rest area in the “Middle of Nowhere” Texas. And while USAA roadside assistance was useless… Darling Husband came to my rescue finding an amazing tow/repair guy from Quannah, Texas. (Which I guess, is where I WAS.) Girlie was a trooper and had no idea how dire the circumstance was at one point. She enjoyed the white butterflies covering a lavender bush, the bright green caterpillar inching along the sidewalk, and the birds next to the small pond. (This was a quality rest area!) The Lord took care of us and we had a safe place to sleep, repairs were made (by the self proclaimed “Last honest tow-truck guy in America”), repair costs were very reasonable, and no one went hungry. 🙂 But I wouldn’t wish that situation on ANYONE.

*My first high school band director (because I went to two different high schools) passed away at 67 years old. He was a great man and I can’t even begin to describe how he impacted my music journey. I desperately wanted to go to the funeral, but wasn’t able to. I found comfort in contacting old band members via facebook. (Who also weren’t able to go.) We remembered our Texas State championship glory days, and all things that go along with the Texas heat and wool marching band uniforms. (Seriously, you haven’t sweated till you’ve worn t-shirt, shorts, BLACK socks, all UNDER the suspender-ed woolen pants – that come up to your chest, and a shoulder-pad-filled, double lined top that has an additional front flap, with a stiff priest-like collar and a fashionable leather, plumed hat with a plastic chin strap…. all in 100 degree heat and 90% humidity.) Yes… lifetime bonds were forged in those conditions. 🙂

And there are more things I’ll have to share another time… because Girlie is about to wake up from her nap and want lunch.

Because, just when you think being a mom couldn’t get any weirder…

From conception, to pregnancy, to birth, and a “happily ever after”…. there are tips, tricks, lists, do’s and don’ts, wives tales, myths, etc… etc…

For someone who likes: black and white, right and wrong, and a+b=c “formulas” for life, I’ve had my fair share of frustration. I like to feel in control. I like cause and effect. (I just know God had a little chuckle the day I got pregnant.)

In the realm of babies, the fact that they cannot be ‘solved’ is nothing new. Every baby is different. What works today, may not necessarily work tomorrow. With every new phase there is something new to learn.

I am in the phase of weaning. And never mind the work it took to produce enough food for my baby. Now it’s time to tell my body to STOP. 

Cue: Pain.

So I reached out to a few fellow moms. They recommended cabbage leaves and peppermint tea. Which sounds a bit crazy. (Sounds a  little ‘tin foil hat’ to me, actually.) But what the heck… I decided it couldn’t get any worse.

Never – not once – did I EVER picture myself putting cabbage leaves in my bra and then sipping peppermint tea, when I saw those two pink lines.

But here I am.

So, there you go.

Kids change all kinds of things…even (and especially) your underwear.

So, I guess Xanga died.

“They” are letting people upload their old Xanga posts into WordPress… which is nice! (I’m so glad the record of my life in Japan wasn’t deleted!!)  I also love the archive access feature that Xanga did not have! 

But I feel I need to clarify…

After going through and reading some of my posts from 9 years ago (almost 10), you (the reader) need to know that I have changed CONSIDERABLY since my college days.(Heck, I’ve changed a TON since my last post!!! Which was before I even got pregnant!) Hopefully that change is evident.

As far as the new title of the blog… well, it pretty much sums up the way I am trying to live life at the moment. These precious days with our new baby girl are passing too quickly. And living intentionally- by living in today- is my best plan of attack for warding off regret later in life. Though, I am already very aware… no matter how hard I try to soak up as much life as possible NOW, I will still miss things from these days.

So, a New Year is just around the corner… I am hoping to meet a few goals in the upcoming year, one of which is blogging a little (well, a LOT) more regularly. It is a wonderful place (blog land), and I miss it. 🙂

The rest of my goals I hope to write about as I am either successful (which is preferred), or not… 

Day Two

Driving from Missoula, Montana to Mt. Vernon, Washington = 551.6 miles (about 8 hours with MANY delays!)

Once again, Montana is BEAUTIFUL! If it had an ocean somewhere, I’d move there YESTERDAY! And people know how to DRIVE there!  The posted speed limit is 75mph… through CURVY, mountain passes! (Granted, they also post a “suggested” speed… but that’s optional!) There was construction too… but in Montana, when there is a sign saying that the “right lane is closed in 1 mile” people get over when they see the sign. As opposed to Coloradans… who stay in whichever lane they were in when they read the sign, and cut as many people off as they can – at the last possible second – when the lane actually ends.

Ok… this picture is “saying” a few things:

1. Literally: Welcome to Idaho

2. Girls who take pictures on curvy, mountain passes are NUTS!

3. Said girl should have stayed farther back from the ginormous RV… and zoomed out a little more.

I literally crossed the state of Idaho in one hour. That concept it kind of foreign, since I’ve never been to the Northeast. I usually get to drive across states like Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana which take at lease 6-8 hours… (Don’t even get me STARTED on the DAYS I’ve spent getting across Texas…) It was refreshing! And sadly short – since the mountains were beautiful there too!

Soon enough I made it to Washington. (Side note: I-90 Westbound is the way to enter this state! The hwy 82 entrance from Oregon, is depressing.) The clouds promptly darkened and grew… It was like it was saying “Welcome back to Washington Aris! I missed you! Here is the perfect weather, and just enough rain to wash the bugs off your windshield…. please don’t ever leave me again.”

At some point… I went through the “Kansas” part of WA. (And don’t get me wrong, I love Kansas…. when I  drive to  KANSAS.) The picture doesn’t do the rolling hills justice. I felt like I was in a painting… The fields were real, but instead of flat- it was like they had giant bubbles under them.

And another WEIRD town name… I respectfully submit:

!!!!

And then Moses Lake happened.

Ya’ll………

I thought something had DIED in my car! It smelled like outhouse… with dead animal/rotten meat that sat too long in a sealed container- in the SUN… with that smell of a multi-vitamin…

I opened my car window to see if it smelled better outside the car…

I almost gagged it was so STINKY. I still have no idea what was in that town… but I can probably never go there again.

About 60 miles outside Seattle, I started seeing signs that trucks would be entering the highway to slow traffic, so the heavy machinery/LARGE trucks could get in place for some rock blasting/construction. I’ve been behind something like this before… it is painful… so when I saw the flashing lights enter the highway… in FRONT of me… I did what anyone WOULD do in that situation…. get behind the guy, so as soon as he moves I can GO!

As frustrating as it is to go 20 mph…. for 10 miles (or so), especially after going 70+mph all day… When I looked back and saw the LOOOOONG line of cars behind me (that stacked up in a matter of seconds)…. I just couldn’t help it, I channeled my inner-kindergartner and smiled when I realized…

I. WAS. THE. LINE. LEADER!!!!!!!

Just before I got to Seattle, I stopped to get gas and take a restroom break…

There was a small 2 stall bathroom with a tiny sink. A silver-haired lady was trying to get a coffee spill out of her shirt (even if it wasn’t coffee, I’m still happily assuming it WAS) and when I went to wash my hands another lady came in… as the silver-haired lady was going out. I don’t know what look she gave the other woman to provoke the response she got… but the lady told her “I’m a GIRL… my [boobs] are just small! (explicative)” Silver Lady left the restroom QUICKLY… and the other lady kept talking (to me?? I’m not sure.) ” I’m really getting sick of this!!! SO STUPID! I don’t understand WHY this keeps happening” etc….

I left before my hands were dry…

cause, let’s face it… I hate confrontation on T.V., let alone 2 feet away from me in a public restroom! ( I was going to get a nice hot tea… since the weather was cooperating, but there wasn’t time –  I had to get out of there before that lady came out~)

As I drove away, with my heart pounding… I started thinking about the absurdity of what the lady said.

But first, let me paint a picture:

1. Short (Like 1 inch long) bleached blond hair.

2. No make-up. (not even chapstick)

3. A baggy hoodie.

4. LONG, baggy, jean shorts.

5. Large tattoos, of SOMETHING big, on both calves.

6. Sneakers.

7. Over-powering cigarette smoke – like so bad, that after just 30 seconds in the same bathroom as her, I smelled like smoke when I got to my car.

Now, I’m not saying that any one of these things is not feminine. But if you just glanced out of the corner of your eye… it’s possible that the combination of ALL SEVEN would cause a lady to make sure it was, in fact, a WOMAN that just entered the restroom. It is completely fine with me if a woman chooses to dress like the above…

Just don’t be SHOCKED when someone looks twice. (And if it frustrates you- like it did that lady… perhaps changing one element would create a more feminine persona???)

Might I suggest trading the cigarette smoke for perfume?? 

Entering Seattle, I played Owl City’s “Hello Seattle”. (I’ve been waiting to do that since last summer!)

Seattle, wasn’t quite what I expected… there are houses everywhere… little jewels of color on the lush, green hills… surrounded by water. When I drove closer to downtown… I was a bit surprised to see how similar it looks to Japan. The large apartment buildings/style were everywhere! Gorgeous architecture. I arrived downtown around 3:40 on a Tuesday afternoon. 

Traffic acted like I’d gotten there at 5pm on the Thursday before a 4 day weekend.

But, it’s quite refreshing to be in traffic with a full tank of gas, an empty bladder, and absolutely NOTHING to be late for. 

Just as traffic was clearing up… a man from British Columbia driving a mini-van (and trust me… I don’t hold EITHER of those things against him…) decided it was time to get in the left lane… WHILE I WAS STILL IN IT, RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.

I gave him the freak-out honk… to let him know I was there.

BUT HE KEPT. COMING. OVER!

That’s when the panic set it…

You would have thought my steering wheel had been magically turned into a bongo drum- the way I was WAILING on it!!! 

He was H-A-L-F-W-A-Y in my lane before he looked over to see me flailing and yelling, and spitting… and having a heart attack!

He looked surprised to see me there… and casually waved a meek “sorry”.

I got past him, FAR past him, and slid into the right lane… putting my car back in cruise control…. breathing like I was in hour 22 of a VERY arduous LABOR.

As the title states…. it wasn’t a good day to die!

It WAS, however, a good evening to go to Gentlemen Gene’s Pub… which, as Jared pointed out… sounds like a “gentleman’s club”. (Not gonna lie, I thought that too, until I saw photos of a very down-to-Earth pub and a fantastic menu.)

I had giant prawns, with a baked potato, and salad… and for dessert a caramel layered friazo which looks like this:

It’s layered ice cream, caramel, and candied pecans… which helped my day end just a little sweeter. (And also steadied my sugar levels, since near-death experiences rob you of your blood sugar… )

Goodnight!

Day 1

Driving from Castle Rock, CO to Missoula, MT = 957.8 miles (13.3 hours)

Oh the stories I have from today!!

But let’s start at the beginning:

Yeah… I’m cursed. After all of my pre-trip planning… I STILL ended up not getting to bed until 1:00 AM only to wake up at 4:00 AM to be on the road by 5:00. But I was as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve… so waking up was pretty easy.

After a quick stop to pick up a few essentials at Wal-mart (I don’t think I’ve EVER made it out of town without stopping there first) my sunrise drive through Denver went smoothly AND quickly. Maybe because today was the first time I’ve driven through Denver that early, but it smelled like frying oil…

And to be perfectly honest… it can smell like whatever it wants, if I can drive the length of the city going at (or slightly above) posted speed limit signs.

But I’ll tell you.. if I WAS tired (and I’m NOT saying I was) …. at ALL…. I woke up REAL QUICK- when a large spider started swinging down from the roof of my car… inches from my left shoulder…. while I was driving….  75mph.

Needless to say, he died… and I was the victor of that battle.

In Wyoming… they think it’s fun to put large silhouettes of animals on tops of hills. These two I get… buffalo and cowboy on his horse.

This next one….

Yeah… it seemed random to me too. I laughed at the silly Wyoming people…. and thought that the artist must have been ecstatic to embrace his/her inner child.

And then I saw the advertisement for the dinosaur museum.

HA!

This next picture is proof that I have no life get excited about the little things in life. For 10 years I have lived along the I-25 corridor. Four years ago I drove onto I-25 where it BEGINS, near El Paso, TX and had driven as far up as Cheyenne, WY… but no farther… until TODAY!! As of today, I have driven on the ENTIRE Interstate 25. Interestingly enough, there is no “start” or “begin” about the I-25 sign near El Paso… at least, not that I remember.

The next picture shows 3 things:

1. How excited I am to accomplish said goal.

2. How AWESOME I am at taking photos of myself, while driving, and while driving fast!

3. That my Atlas looks like it’s on display for an ad. Trust me… it is my paper GPS.

Entering Montana for the first time EVER! I love the mile marker “zero”.

The crack in my windshield… which I am sure was caused by a rock, but it sounded like a bug. (Those of you familiar with travel-by-car, know the difference.) I think the possibility of windshield-cracking bugs is a more exciting concept. Even better…. I got to watch the crack grow to be this size. It happened pretty instantly. (UPDATE.. it is only about another inch longer from when this was taken… I’ll have to post a new picture at the end of the trip to show it’s growth.)

Montana is BEAUTIFUL (well… starting after Billings… from Wyoming to Billings on I-90, it pretty much looks like more Wyoming) Half of my 13 hour drive looked like this.

Add a little Bruce Hornsby and it was AMAZING.

When you look at this next photo… just know… I’m confused too. Is it the name of a town? Or an ACTUAL opportunity?? What does that kind of opportunity entail? Is it an opportunity for ME (the traveler) ?? Or….

In any case…. um  GROSS! (*Shiver*)

I finally got to Missoula, checked into my hotel, changed into my dinner clothes, and went to a restaurant called “The Stone of Accord” which is an Irish/Pub type restaurant.

After careful consideration I got fish and chips – the pub-classic, (the chips were made in-house) and the most amazing tartar sauce EVER. The coleslaw was even good.

Guess what I had for dessert????

Yes, it might look like a fully-loaded baked potato… however… it is in-fact vanilla bean ice cream rolled in cocoa powder and topped with whip cream, caramel sauce, and mint leaves… the “dirt” around the bottom is crushed oreo cookies and chocolate fudge. It’s called the “Irish Potato Sundae” and it’s the dessert the Stone of Accord is known for.

I only ate a bit, but the experience was worth it.

Day ONE = SUCCESS!