So… I’m still 37… but 38 is right around the corner. I attempted a ’30 Before 30′ bucket list… and did mostly pretty well… until I got pregnant with my first child (which was actually on my list!) and was SO sick the entire pregnancy, that I didn’t finish. (My 29th birthday was in April and I was pregnant by the following September… so I only got 5 good months.)

If living through Covid has taught me nothing else (and OMgoodness… it has taught me so-many-things), it is to give myself extra time for long term goals. Because things happen, plans get canceled and need to be rescheduled… and… who the heck knows when we will actually get back to ‘normal’ life??

My list has been written! It brings me so much joy to imagine accomplishing each item on it! As it happens, I’ve already begun working on it! (But, more on that later.) There are some things that have been left vague on purpose. Sometimes the fun is getting creative with how it ends up being accomplished. (It also gives some flexibility, which I feel is paramount right now.) And I can totally double dip… one adventure may meet the criteria for more than one item on the list.

Without further ado… the list:

40 Things Before 40

1. Take a road trip, by myself. _{(DONE: October 2021)}
2. See a Randolph HS football game. _{(DONE: October 22, 2021)}
3. Have a “yes” day with the girls.
4. Finish ALL photo albums (1 Florida, 1 Cali, 1 New York, South Dakota-family trip, wedding, JapanX2, girl’s baby books, etc.)
5. Read every unread book on my bookshelf.
6. Complete the Disney Princess Challenge weekend (virtual). _{(DONE: 2/21/21)}
7. Go back to a place I used to live as a child. _{(DONE: October 20 & 21, 2021)}
8. Learn how to use my Nikon camera.
9. Finally finish purging and organizing basement.
10. Purge and organize my craft room.
11. Take a painting class.
12. Take a Bestie Trip… for any length of time.
13. Pack a picnic and fly a kite at a park with the family.
14. Visit a body of water. _{(DONE: March 2022- Pacific Ocean)}
15. Go stargazing.
16. Submit something to get published.
17. Go a solid week of absolutely NO social media.
18. Reschedule that trip to Disneyland… and GO. _{(DONE: March 16, 2022)}
19. Complete one Japanese language workbook, cover to cover.
20. Binge-watch an entire movie series in 24 hours.
21. Spend a day at a museum.
22. Write a blog post every day for one month. ^{(Completed: June 2021)}
23. Laugh until I cry… or pee a little…. whichever happens first. _{(DONE: February 26, 2022- Nate Bargatze)}
24. Camp… somewhere. Even if it is in the living room or backyard.
25. Write my story.
26. Have an entire day dedicated to board and card games.
27. Fly somewhere for the weekend with Jared.
28. Go to a high tea at a restaurant.
29. Take Mommy/Daughter trip with each child.
30. Spa Day at a real Spa.
31. See the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor in Vegas. _{(DONE: March 14, 2022)}
32. Make my own birthday cake, as beautifully as if it were for someone else.
33. Get rid of 40 things I don’t need anymore. _{(DONE: Fall 2022)}
34. Finally finish reading through the entire Bible.
35. Experience a weekend (48 hours) without electricity… (plan ahead for food storage and outside temps.)
36. Try one new recipe a month… 24 total.
37. Go see a movie by myself.
38. Go on a solo writing weekend retreat.
39. Earn every virtual race medal I currently have but haven’t completed yet.
40. Bullet journal this list.

“Adulting” took on new meaning when I turned 30. The very next month I gave birth to my first child (which completely changed me in unforeseen ways). Since then, I’ve had some time to adjust, learn, and grow. Had a second child.  Dealt with loss, death, anxiety. And been challenged in ways I never knew were possible. Experienced JOY and happiness in strengths and waves so strong… I could burst.

Here I am, on the eve of my 34th birthday, and life is GOOD. It’s hard and messy and beautiful and simple…and it is GOOD. I decided last year to not allow myself to be limited by fear of failure. I joined a MOPS group. (It has been wonderful!) I learned to play the ukelele. (I’ve played almost everyday since the first time I picked it up.) And most recently, I started learning how to RUN. That last one…is CRAZY. I have always hated running. It’s the reason I stopped playing basketball after 2 seasons. Soccer after 3 seasons. I hated the fitness tests in middle school, because I HATED the mile run. Exercise-induced asthma didn’t help either. But I saw a pretty medal for a virtual run… and decided to GO FOR IT. (Four 10ks and one 5k -in one month- later…. 🙂 )

If nothing else… this last year has taught me that I can still learn new things. Just because I’ve never done it before, does not mean that I can’t learn now. I am not “stuck” in who I’ve always been, just because I’m an adult. (Thank goodness.)

There is freedom in realizing that.

I have high hopes for this upcoming year. As my kiddos grow up and transition into new seasons… I find myself drawn toward simple things.

Like the sound of a squealing/laughing toddler, running in a diaper.(And the sound a diaper makes when a kid runs in it.)

I will miss that one day.

Today is not that day.

(Delighting in each Moment)

DAY 1

I read this book and immediately wanted to get rid of everything I own.

(Half kidding… half serious 😉 )

I read it in one afternoon/evening… which included nap time and then a pause until after bedtime routine had finished. I was SO inspired!! And then I went to bed, woke up the next day and my resolve started to crumble… so I re-read bits, and got super fired up again!! (Like, Christmas-morning-is-happening-tomorrow-and-I-can’t-sleep, fired UP!)

I am not going to touch on ALL of the pieces that make this completely fascinating to me… but suffice it to say, Marie is Japanese and she has a unique approach to purging.

The goal is to purge your “stuff” until all that is left are items that bring you joy. (And even if the item may not bring you “happy-feeling joy”, its usefulness can bring joy… ie: vacuum, snow shovel, long-john underwear….)

There are 5 categories, and they are in a specific order to help you ease into severing unnecessary emotional attachment/obligation/guilt over parting with something you may not need/use/want or that doesn’t make you happy (or joyful) to own it. (Clothing, Books, Papers, Komono (NOT kimono-the clothing) [which are sub categories of “stuff” like children’s toys, craft supplies,or maybe your tea cup collection], and finally Sentimental Items… like photos.)

The other things she insists on for this process to be successful are: to gather EVERY SINGLE ITEM in the category, together in the same place, BEFORE you purge. AND it needs to be done in ONE go. (As opposed to choosing an item a day-for infinity.)

Now, I have two YOUNG children. So, I got one full day and a half (starting after dinner Saturday, cause Darling Husband works that day), and then worked during nap time over the rest of the week. So, it took me about 7 days. It was my focused goal when I had time, and it was done as quickly as I could have done it.

Anyway, I gathered every stitch of clothing (minus my wedding dress and maybe 3-4 dresses my mom has sewed for me over the years) and shoes for every member of the family. (Which also, went against what Marie suggests… which is  “do your own stuff first, then tackle your family’s stuff”… and I learned quickly why that would have been a better idea, because I got overwhelmed by the sheer number of items a few times!!)

She also recommends you dress up for the event! Nicer clothing than you’d normally wear to purge. (ahem– yoga pants and a t-shirt) The next picture is after a full day of wearing my dress, hair done, and make-up done… but I also added my Japanese apron (most of the homemakers in Japan wear these when they go to grocery stores or other household related errands). I do have to say, it definitely improved my mood!!

She also recommends silence or “white noise” so you can focus on what brings you joy… but music gets me PUMPED and helps me maintain my energy level!

I also made sure to turn on my Scentsy, and favorite scent… This also helped maintain my energy and helped me focus on the task at hand.

Because, when things are visually overwhelming… hearing and smelling should be senses that can relax!

Oh my goodness.

There was barely enough room to make sorting piles. My husband and I slept on the sofa-bed in the living room all week… ’cause, well, look at it…

Fun memory, the pile of “joy” that I kept on the first round, was still so big, that I went through it again and halved it. And REALLY tried to pinpoint the “joy” that Marie talks about. (Was I excited at the thought of getting to wear it??)

Marie also “talks” to the house before a purge. To let it know what she is going to do that day.

My house, while a blessing, isn’t who I chose to talked to.

I just prayed. I prayed to not be overwhelmed. I thanked God for the blessing of this stuff, and the needs the stuff met during different seasons. And I prayed for wisdom and discernment for when I would get rid of things… that it would be purposeful and not cause any future regret.

Marie also says that you need to touch each and every item (and even hug it) to see if it brings you joy. I touched them, but mostly because I wanted to feel fabrics. I generally knew by sight if the item brought me joy. I found myself becoming very aware of a smile that would spread over my face if it, did indeed ,sparked joy!

And yes, some of that joy was “oh! I wore this shirt when __________ happened!” which is why you also consider practicality (will I ever ACTUALLY wear this again??) and functionality (when it snows next winter, long-johns will keep me warm… and I only have the one set).

I purged the rest of my maternity stuff that week. And that was hard. They are just clothes, but it is a season of life that I am definitely passed and won’t be returning to. (Barring a divine miracle- I always feel the need to add that, just in case…) They served their purpose, and I wouldn’t be wearing them again… and someone else was going to be able to use them again.

So they went into a “give-a-way” pile.

Marie also says that you should thank every item you intend to get rid of. I really found that strange initially (and I DID NOT do it for 98% of my stuff)… but then when I got to my maternity stuff, there was one shirt I actually thanked-out loud-as I got a little teary…

And no. It wasn’t because I believe that shirt has feelings. (Ask me how I feel when we get to the stuffed animal purge though…) It was closure for ME. It was ME, verbalizing out loud what I already knew was true in my head… it was time for the shirt to go. And somehow… that closure made it easier!!

I went to bed completely happy and “lighter” feeling. The stuff had been weighing on me… and I hadn’t even realized how much!

DAY 2

Tried the dressing up thing again… it really truly made a difference for me!!! (The hat was something I’d forgotten I had, but was so excited to find it!! My sister made it!! Definitely something that brings me joy!)

I parted with quite a few things that I’d never been able to part with before. High School homecoming dresses (from ALL 4 YEARS!!!), a choir dress, and a multitude of too big, or too small clothes that I have no idea why I bought… because it would depress me to wear them!! I EVEN finally got rid of old high school t-shirts I’d used for painting/home renovation projects. I took pictures of them all… kept a couple that were in good shape, and then trashed the rest.

And I even purged baby clothes…ALL of the outgrown ones (newborn-12 months)…. some to be donated, some to be sold, and some to be turned into a quilt.

(Oh my goodness… holding a newborn outfit that your babies wore, will make you want to have more babies… just so it can be worn again!!!

Which is insane.

So, just add that to the PILE of EMOTIONS I was also sorting through… 🙂 But not to worry, I am completely sane again, and very happy and at peace with the completeness of our family!)

DAY7

THIS.

Oh. My. Goodness.

This is: one bag of shoes, one bag of legit TRASH clothes, one bag of my husband’s stuff, and the rest were mine and the girls’. This photo is missing the large box of maternity stuff we were able to send to a loving home…

The black trash bags held about two kitchen garbage bags worth… so total, I’d say this is about 22 kitchen garbage bags worth of stuff.

I’ve never felt so free!! And because all of the clothes we currently have bring me/us joy… laundry doesn’t seem to be as much of a bummer (OR pile up as high, or take as long to do!!) anymore! 🙂

Books are next!!!

Growing up in a military family (Air Force brat), I had never lived in any house longer than 4 years. (And that only happened once.) There were maybe two places we lived for 3 years but everything else was 2 or less.

That didn’t change once I went to college.

It actually got worse. Because you move into a different room each year and out again each summer.

After college I moved to Japan for a year.

When I got back, I lived with my parents while I was engaged (4.5 months) and then our first home was a rental (for a year), before buying our first home in December of 2007.

And we are still living in that home today!

It was weird as we approached that 4 year mark… I had an itch to move again. But we’d bought a house for the future. We bought our house knowing that we’d never HAVE to move. It would fit our family once children came along, had a great yard for the dogs, and had it’s own mailbox and wood-burning fireplace.

The interesting thing about living in one house for so long, are the memories you accumulate there. And while the decorations and home-improvements have changed the scenery a bit over the years… the rooms are still the rooms where things happened.

All of the writing I’ve done over the past week or so… about our animals and their passing… has brought up a lot. And I was reminded how often something remains from those pets in the house, long after they are gone.

Like the claw marks I find on cabinets or baseboards… when I stoop down to clean them. (Our cat Pepper left them all over the house.) They aren’t really noticeable unless you are REALLY close… so they surprise me from time to time… that they are still there.

The only evidence that we ever had rabbits in our house, are the 5 or 6 little tiny bite/gouges in the side of our fireplace mantel… from that one time I left the hutch too close to the wood.

Let’s not forget Scarlett’s carpet holes or the random dried-blood droplet I occasionally find (from Lady’s tail) in a random place on the wall. (That I was sure I’d cleaned completely.)

I remember the last spot I held, petted, and said good-bye to each animal.

I remember where Pepper died.

I remember the carpet in the hallway being damp still, even after Lady was gone. And remember thinking it didn’t seem fair that the water from steam cleaning the carpet should be longer lasting, than the dog who had the accident.

Animals are  only one genre of “ghost” for our houses… aren’t they? I mean, there are so many happy memories too… or baby/child memories. How about illness??

I suppose my point in all of this is that I never realized how much more the memories build up, the longer you live in one place. It makes sense… since I have very vivid memories from the houses throughout my life. But 8 years… whew! It’s a lot! And it’s completely foreign and amazing to me. To actually still be living in a place where something special happened “x” amount of years ago… where I can picture something happening while being in the exact spot where it happened… there is just something about that.

I don’t know how many more years we will live in this house. But I do know that whenever that day comes…. it will be really, really sad and REALLY hard to leave. For all of the good, the bad, and the ugly that has happened in this house… it was where our life happened.

So many memories…so many ‘ghosts’.