This past year my blogs have been filled with Japan.
Being excited to get here.
Being scared I came.
Being frustrated in general.
Being filled with hope at my imminent return home..
Today is Thursday July 13, which means that in approximately 12 days, I will return to Colorado. Of course I am happy to be going home. It will be great to spend time with people again without stressing out about doing some forbidden act that would earn me a horrible reputation, on the spot, FOREVER. (Like blowing my nose openly in the teachers room.) I am excited to have a normal dating relationship again. And I am excited to live with my parents during, what is quite possibly, the last time I will live as a single individual for the rest of my life. I am happy to get away from the feeling of being restricted and restrained from doing things I love to do or going anywhere I want WHENEVER I want. ( I will probably make a Wal-mart run at mid-night, just because I can.) I am happy that I will, once again, be anonymous to everyone but my family and friends.
Nonetheless, and surprisingly so, I growing steadily more contemplative and sorrowful over the loss that will occur on my departure from this beautiful country. I have been thinking lately about periods of time in my life that I enjoyed or were special… that no matter what I do today, can never be repeated. In 12 days, Japan will become one of those memories. The students who made an effort to speak to me in English, the cozy – if tiny- apartment where I found sanctuary, the teachers I worked with… all will be lost to me once I get on that plane.
Sometimes knowing the end is coming is more cruel than if it came suddenly. I have been trying to appreciate things and moments SO much…. that I am overwhelmed when there are so many things and I feel like I could be doing something better to help preserve the memories.
I am sad to leave, and happy to return home. The hardest part is getting to that middle point where I am no longer leaving… but returning . After that, I just have to enjoy the ride.