This past year my blogs have been filled with Japan.
Being excited to get here.
Being scared I came.
Being frustrated in general.
Being filled with hope at my imminent return home..
Today is Thursday July 13, which means that in approximately 12 days, I will return to Colorado. Of course I am happy to be going home. It will be great to spend time with people again without stressing out about doing some forbidden act that would earn me a horrible reputation, on the spot, FOREVER. (Like blowing my nose openly in the teachers room.) I am excited to have a normal dating relationship again. And I am excited to live with my parents during, what is quite possibly, the last time I will live as a single individual for the rest of my life. I am happy to get away from the feeling of being restricted and restrained from doing things I love to do or going anywhere I want WHENEVER I want. ( I will probably make a Wal-mart run at mid-night, just because I can.) I am happy that I will, once again, be anonymous to everyone but my family and friends.
Nonetheless, and surprisingly so, I growing steadily more contemplative and sorrowful over the loss that will occur on my departure from this beautiful country. I have been thinking lately about periods of time in my life that I enjoyed or were special… that no matter what I do today, can never be repeated. In 12 days, Japan will become one of those memories. The students who made an effort to speak to me in English, the cozy – if tiny- apartment where I found sanctuary, the teachers I worked with… all will be lost to me once I get on that plane.
Sometimes knowing the end is coming is more cruel than if it came suddenly. I have been trying to appreciate things and moments SO much…. that I am overwhelmed when there are so many things and I feel like I could be doing something better to help preserve the memories.
I am sad to leave, and happy to return home. The hardest part is getting to that middle point where I am no longer leaving… but returning . After that, I just have to enjoy the ride.
Im personally glad that your time out there is drawing to an end. But I still do hope that you will make the most of the last remaining days that you have there. And that you will soak it all in cause like you said after the 25th all of the will only be a memory. Im glad that this has been a good learning experience for you and that you have grown from it, I hope that on your return you are able to adjust quickly and get back into the swing of being in America 🙂 And of being with me! Heck yes. 🙂 ~BB